written by alessandra iurman
September 4,2026
I Just Got Engaged… Where Do I Even Start?
Step 1: Decide What Kind of Wedding You Actually Want
First of all, take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, like you just got engaged! YAY!
Before you start opening twenty tabs on Pinterest, looking at wedding venues, comparing photographers, and trying to figure out how people afford these gorgeous weddings you keep seeing online, I want you to know something: Feeling completely overwhelmed is normal.
I remember getting engaged and being so excited, but after the initial excitement wore off, I started thinking… Okay, now what?
There are so many decisions to make, so many vendors to research, and so many opinions coming from family and friends that it can feel impossible to know where to begin.
So if I could sit down with a newly engaged friend and tell her exactly where to start, this would be my advice (coming from someone who already did it, and wished she had done some things differently).
Before you talk numbers, venues, or vendors, sit down with your fiancé and talk about your vision.
Do you want a destination wedding?
Do you want something close to home?
Do you picture a huge celebration with everyone you’ve ever known, or something intimate with your closest family and friends?
It’s important to think about the overall feeling you want your wedding day to have. Do you want it to feel elegant, relaxed, modern, classic? Once you have this conversation and decide, it will make every decision afterward so much easier!
Step 2: Have the Budget Conversation
I know this isn’t the fun part, but trust me, it is one of the most important conversations you’ll have during wedding planning.
Sit down together and determine what you’re comfortable spending, because there’s something I wish someone had told me before I started planning:
Your first budget probably won’t be your final budget.
At least mine wasn’t. I think my original budget was probably around 30-40% less than what we ultimately spent. Not because we were irresponsible, but because I genuinely had no idea how much weddings cost until I started reaching out to vendors and I had a vision.
You see beautiful weddings on Pinterest and Instagram and it’s easy to assume they’re attainable within a certain budget, but then you start pricing venues, photography, florals, rentals, entertainment, transportation, and everything else that goes into a wedding day, and you quickly realize there are a lot of hidden costs you never considered.
However, this doesn’t mean you should abandon your budget. It just means you should build in some flexibility and understand that your priorities may evolve once you start seeing real numbers. You can also discuss setting a “DO NOT spend more than $X” budget, that way you truly know what your maximum is (and even then add like a ~$5K cushion to it for all last-minute, week of things that will come up).
Now, don’t make the same mistake as me…
Before You Start Booking, Price Out Your Entire Vision
This is probably the biggest piece of advice I wish someone had given me before I started wedding planning.
Once you have a rough budget in mind, resist the urge to immediately start signing contracts and booking vendors one by one (unless it’s a major priority vendor that you know you absolutely can’t live without). Instead, take some time to research and reach out to all the vendors you’re considering.
Get pricing from venues, photographers, videographers, florists, DJs, bands, transportation companies, rentals, planners, hair and makeup artists… literally everyone.
You don’t need to book them all right away. You just need a realistic picture of what your dream wedding is actually going to cost.
One of the mistakes I made was booking vendors as I went. I had this beautiful vision in my head and a budget I thought would work, but I didn’t take the time to get estimates for everything upfront. As each vendor got booked, I kept discovering new expenses I hadn’t fully accounted for, and before I knew it, my final budget was significantly higher than I originally expected.
Part of the reason I did this was because I was nervous about waiting too long and losing the vendors I loved. Wedding vendors book quickly, and that pressure is very real.
That’s why my recommendation is to start planning as early as possible. The more time you give yourself, the easier it is to gather pricing, compare options, prioritize what matters most to you, and make decisions without feeling rushed. Having a full picture of your potential costs from the beginning allows you to adjust your expectations, reallocate your budget, and avoid surprises later in the planning process.
Step 3: Create Your Guest List Before Looking at Venues
This is one of the biggest mistakes I see couples make.
They fall in love with a venue before they know how many people they’re inviting. Before you tour venues, create your entire guest list… and yes, I mean actually write down every single name.
My recommendation is to start big. Write down everyone you could potentially want to invite. You can always trim the list later.
If your parents are contributing financially to the wedding, it’s also important to ask whether there are guests they’d like to include. If they’re helping pay for the celebration, it’s reasonable to have that conversation.
If they’re not contributing financially, my personal opinion is that the guest list should primarily reflect the people you and your fiancé want to celebrate with.
Once you have your list, you can create categories if needed:
- Must invite
- Would love to invite
- If space allows
Having a realistic guest count helps with almost every major decision you’ll make moving forward.
It determines:
- Venue options
- Catering costs
- Rental costs
- Transportation needs
- Hotel blocks
You can’t really know if your budget is realistic until you know approximately how many people you’re hosting.
Step 4: Find Your Venue
Once you know your vision, budget, and approximate guest count, it’s time for one of the most exciting parts of wedding planning.
Venue shopping.
If you don’t have a specific date in mind, I recommend thinking about seasons first.
- Is the area where you’re getting married extremely hot during summer?
- Does it rain frequently during certain months?
- Will guests be comfortable outdoors?
Weather plays a much bigger role than most couples realize.
Once you find a venue that, fits your budget, fits your guest count and matches your vision, everything else starts falling into place.
This is often the moment when wedding planning begins to feel real.
A Quick Note About Choosing Your Venue
While we’re talking about venues, I want to share something I learned during my own wedding planning process.
The venue is one of the most important decisions you’ll make because it affects so many other parts of your budget. If you’re working with a tighter budget, my biggest recommendation is to choose a venue that is naturally beautiful on its own.
When a venue has stunning architecture, beautiful landscaping, gorgeous views, or well-designed spaces, you don’t have to spend nearly as much money trying to transform it.
I know it’s tempting to look at a blank space and think, “I can make that look amazing with decorations!” But décor, rentals, florals, draping, lighting, and all those extra details can add up incredibly fast… they are EXPENSIVE.
Sometimes spending a little more on a beautiful venue can actually save you money in the long run because you won’t feel the need to decorate every corner.
Another thing to keep in mind is that venues that include services like catering, tables, chairs, linens, staffing, and basic rentals may seem expensive when you first see the price tag. I remember looking at some all-inclusive venues and thinking they were way over budget. But once I started pricing everything separately at other venues, I realized that many of those packages were actually a really good value.
A higher upfront venue cost doesn’t always mean a higher total wedding cost.
When comparing venues, try to look at the entire picture instead of just the rental fee. Ask what is included, what you’ll need to bring in separately, and what those additional costs are likely to be.
You might be surprised by which option ends up making the most financial sense.
Step 5: Book Your Priority Vendors Early
Okay, I may be a little biased here, but if I could go back and do one thing differently, it would be reaching out to photographers even earlier than I thought.
When I got engaged, there were two or three photographers I absolutely loved and when I reached out about a year and a half before my wedding, they were already booked.
The reality is that photographers often book months and sometimes years, in advance.
And unlike some wedding details, your photos are one of the few things that remain after the wedding day is over. The photos become your memories.
If photography is important to you like it was to me, start researching and reaching out early.
Do You Need a Wedding Planner?
Another very important vendor that should be booked very early, if it makes sense for you. The answer to this question depends entirely on your lifestyle.
Some couples genuinely enjoy planning and have the time to manage everything themselves. Others are working demanding jobs, raising children, traveling frequently, or simply don’t have the bandwidth to coordinate dozens of vendors and countless details.
Wedding planning is incredibly time-consuming and much more time-consuming than most people expect.
If you know you’re already stretched thin, hiring a wedding planner can be one of the best investments you make. Not only do they save time, but they also know the industry, understand vendor contracts, help avoid costly mistakes, and keep everything moving smoothly.
Even if a full-service planner isn’t in your budget, I highly recommend hiring at least a month of wedding coordinator for the best day. You’ll be thankful you have someone handling logistics while you’re focused on enjoying your wedding.
My Final Advice
If you’re newly engaged and feeling overwhelmed, remember this: You do not need to have everything figured out this week.. or even this month.
Start with the big pieces:
1. Decide what kind of wedding you want.
2. Talk about budget.
3. Build your guest list.
4. Find your venue.
5. Book your priority vendors.
Everything else can come afterward. Wedding planning can feel overwhelming at first, but once those major decisions are made, the process becomes so much more manageable, and honestly, a lot more fun.
And don’t forget to enjoy being engaged, the planning will always be there tomorrow!